Beyond Existing
Has life's struggles left you feeling like you were going through your days "just existing?" In this podcast you will hear stories/testimonies from myself and others who have dealt with the struggles life has to offer and getting to that place in which life is being lived "beyond existing." I appreciate all of those who have been willing to "put themselves out there" to open up and share personal information for the betterment of others.
Beyond Existing
"A God of Second Chances" Karen Shares her Journey of Faith, Resilience, and Building a Family with her Husband Bart Through Adoption
What if life's unexpected challenges were the stepping stones to a greater destiny? Meet Karen, a multi-business owner and devout Christian, who shares her remarkable journey of faith, resilience, and transformation. Growing up in a devout Christian environment, Karen learned to differentiate between her own thoughts and divine guidance, using scripture as her compass. She opens up about her first marriage, navigating the trials of infidelity and infertility, and the lessons learned from overlooking red flags during courtship. Karen’s journey is a testament to the power of faith and the importance of heeding a higher calling, even when life throws unexpected storms your way.
Karen's path to motherhood took a different route, as she and her husband Bart faced the emotional and physical struggles of infertility. With faith as her anchor, she embraced the Foster to Adopt program, overcoming financial and emotional hurdles to create the family they longed for. Listen to Karen’s poignant recount of fostering and eventually adopting Bryson, a biracial baby who brought immense joy and love into their lives. Her story highlights the significant impact of choosing alternative paths to parenthood and the deep bonds that form through the process of fostering and adoption.
But Karen's journey doesn't stop at family. Her career transformation is equally inspiring, shifting from a physical therapist assistant to finding a calling in massage therapy. This change was fueled by personal experiences, including overcoming a serious car accident. Amidst these transitions, Karen's faith in divine guidance led her to pursue her dream of opening a salon, with community support and perseverance lighting the path. Karen’s story is a compelling reminder of how embracing life’s uncertainties with faith can unlock unexpected opportunities and fulfillment.
Hi and welcome back to another episode of Beyond Existing. I have a guest today who is a true inspiration. She is a multi-business owner, but more than that, she is a strong believer in Jesus Christ. She constantly seeks his advice and has become an awesome listener to his guidance. Karen, I know that people who have been Christians their entire lives I'm talking like 60 plus years they have expressed to me that they question if God's really talking to them and I just you've shared with me just so many examples of how you listen to him and just you know in this interview. I just want you to start off just sharing. How do you know? It's the Spirit Sure.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, thank you for having me on your podcast. This is truly an honor, and thank you for your friendship. Thank you, I'm grateful for this opportunity to share my testimony. I got saved, asked the Lord, jesus Christ, into my heart when I was 11 years old. I was raised in a Christian home and brought up in church. Our denomination is Baptist, so I came to know the Lord at a very early age. Discipleship is a real thing and I had a lot of godly people, a lot of godly counsel that surrounded my young life. Not to say that I was perfect I'm not going that way but I just had a lot of people who spoke truth into my life.
Speaker 2:I began to learn that, in order to discern what were my thoughts from, god's thoughts was filtered through scripture. If you're not constantly in scripture or hearing the word of God, it's going to be a little more difficult for you to really discern. Is this God talking to me or is this a personal thought of my own? Has my dream, you know, kind of interfered with his voice? And I will tell you one of the tried and trues.
Speaker 2:Here I am at 54 years old now, having walked with the Lord this long, I just you have such a peace when you get that confirmation from Scripture and just through your prayer time with the Lord, and you begin to see things in your life fall into place according to what your thoughts and that voice inside you was saying. I've never heard the Lord per se speak audibly to me. I've never had a moment like that, but there have been some very impressionable times in my life where it was quite obvious that he was speaking to me and of course then there's no mistaking that, because then everything just lines up and you just know. But yes, peace is probably. Peace amidst a storm, amidst all kinds of circumstances, is probably one of the ways that I have been able to know for sure that it was him speaking to me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, and that impression it's like no other impression. I can't describe it because you don't hear it, but you just feel it, you hear it and you feel it.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, there's no voice, but you hear it. I really can't describe it.
Speaker 2:And it just feels so clear. It's not murky in any way, shape or form. Right, yeah, that's right, and those are wonderful times when we're that close to the Lord that we really feel him speaking to us like that.
Speaker 3:I know you shared with me that before you met your husband Bart, you were married before. I was Before you met your husband Bart. You were married before.
Speaker 2:I was.
Speaker 3:I just want you to share with people just kind of what you went through, because you said that you came from a very strong Christian family. I did. You grew up in church, you know we're not supposed to get divorced. If we grew up that way, Exactly, exactly.
Speaker 2:Well, I was 19 when I him um, and 21 when we got married. He was 22. We did meet at church, but unbeknownst to me, and of course we had this amazing wedding, very. We took communion together just just during our, our ceremony. I mean this I thought I was truly marrying my soulmate. I had never been with any other man and so I just really thought that this was the one.
Speaker 2:Now I'm going to back up and say, however, in those couple of years of courtship, there were some times where I kind of questioned some things, there were some red flags which, looking back now as a mature believer and as a young believer, then that was the Holy Spirit, I believe, kind of saying, karen, are you sure about this? Because I saw some things back then, sensed some things back then that I just kind of turned a blind eye to. I was like no, no, no, no, no, I'm just overreacting. Some things back then that I just kind of turned a blind eye to, I was like no, no, no, no, no, that's I'm just overreacting, I'm being, you know, possessive or you know, jealousy or whatever, and I just need to get control of that because he loves me. And so, you know, we got married in 1990 and unfortunately went through. He had an affair about not even before we were married three years.
Speaker 2:Then I struck, we got, we stayed together, we went through Christian counseling and we moved away and we began to want to plan to have a family. And that was when I learned that I had some infertility issues and it wasn't him, it was me. We did some we couldn't do in vitro. That was too expensive where we were financially as a young married couple. That was not conducive, um. So I went through some surgeries um to find out exactly what was going on, diagnosed with endometriosis, um, and they said that I was, you know, pretty much they weren't really sure how I was going to get pregnant. I did get pregnant shortly after we went through all the counseling and kind of renewed our vows and that pregnancy failed within the first eight weeks. So they're not really sure if that was a blighted ovum or a true pregnancy, but nonetheless I ended up in the hospital with a DNC and then the next time was when we actually sought assistance and I did six months of some shots that put me into chemically induced menopause and I was successfully able to get pregnant the normal way within a month or two after coming off with those shots and that pregnancy made it to the first trimester.
Speaker 2:And then, right there between that 12th and 13th week, I also miscarried again, and I will tell you, during that miscarriage, in the hospital room, I remember vividly folks coming in and having to take care of me, and one person in particular from the phlebotomy department to take blood just said how come you're so strong? And I just literally said to them I don't know why God allowed this to happen, but I know he's in control and I just don't know how people go through something this devastating without him. So even then, when my faith was being tested, I knew that he was with me. I just didn't understand, because that was the one thing that I longed for and I think maybe in some ways I longed for it, maybe for the wrong reasons. You know, post, post adultery, post, you know difficulties in marriage and then finding love for one another again, going through counseling and thinking that you're on the road to recovery. Sometimes you think a baby's going to solve it or it's going to help.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I knew he desired to have a family. I wanted to have a family and it just was not definitely looked like it was not going to happen the natural way and sadly we moved to South Carolina together about 10 years into marriage, went to a infertility clinic and was chosen for a study and they were going to basically, if I would agree to be in the study, or if we would agree to be in the study, I could get an in vitro for free and just to be a part of the study. I wouldn't know if I was getting the study medications, but I would be able to have an in vitro. And he said no, and I knew then that something else was up and unfortunately some of those vices that he was dealing with had reared their ugly head again, and so the writing was kind of on the wall that that marriage had definitely gone awry and unfaithfulness. It just leads to so much mistrust and the rejection as a woman that that causes you to feel I just, I just, I just couldn't do it any longer.
Speaker 3:So I plus, plus, plus, really on the miscarriage, absolutely.
Speaker 2:There was a lot of emotional hurt that that, that I don't blame on him.
Speaker 2:I made choices too. As far as you know, decisions that I made in my life could have contributed, may have contributed to where I ended up, but I know that God, even despite he, was there, he was directing, he was guiding. He never left my side. Gratefully, he is a God of second chances. So when I came home after that and just needed the support and love of my family back in Hickory when I moved back from Charleston, that was the best decision I could have made. And when I was in my healing journey, just prior to my divorce being final, in walked Bart Grant. So we met at church and God just did something in my heart that I didn't think would ever happen at least not that quick and within a couple of years we were married in 2004.
Speaker 3:So how old were you when you had the miscarriage?
Speaker 2:I was the first miscarriage, I would have been 25, 26, I was almost. I just turned 29 with the second one okay, and then how much long?
Speaker 3:how long was it before you met bart um, I met bart when I was 33 and we got married, or got married when we were coming up on 35 so you guys, you dated, but due to north carolina divorce laws for those that don't know if you are separated, it takes one year, yep, for a divorce to be final yep, well, and it had been that long.
Speaker 2:It had definitely been that long. Okay, it had. I was probably already past the year mark when I met Bart. It's just the finalization of the paperwork and getting and getting my ex-husband at the time to sign everything. I but he basically would not make the first move and I had to do it and so it was a. It was really more semantics, paperwork-wise, and when it was final in June of 2002, we started dating and then married in June of 2004.
Speaker 3:Now did Bart know all about your infertility issues before he did?
Speaker 2:He did.
Speaker 2:And I kind of thought that God was filling in the gaps because Bart, when we met, he had been, he was a young Christian, he was 33 years old, but he was a young Christian. He had just been saved, only a couple of years prior to us meeting, late 2001, early 2002. And he had gotten saved sometime late, I think it was 1999. And prior to his salvation, Bart had been in a relationship and had a child. They never married, but they had a child together and so Brandon was very much a part of his life, and so I do have a stepson, and Brandon will be 30 this year, and so when we started dating, it was kind of a package deal for me with him and so I kind of thought God was filling it in like, okay, well, you know, if this man is the one that you're going to be with, then he already has a child, so at least you're going to experience some level of motherhood, Um and uh. So but yes, I mean Bart knew all about infertility struggles, was very supportive.
Speaker 2:We did almost well, I wouldn't say immediately, but within the first year or so really started trying ourselves because I thought, well, OK, it didn't work with someone else, Maybe it's because God had that planned but unfortunately on our own we could not do that. I did go to the REACH clinic in Asheville, North Carolina, worked with them and I had already been through so much previous stimulation of my ovaries and stuff chemically. They basically said you know, we can try a couple of inseminations but you're probably going to need donor eggs to even do it in vitro. I did approach my sister because obviously you know I would love for there to have been our you know our DNA in that child.
Speaker 2:And although you know, at the time the idea of that was something we were both open to, in the end it wasn't something that they could truly live with, knowing that I might have carried a child that biologically, technically, wasn't mine. So that did not work out, that wasn't an option, but it would have been a real stretch for us as well. You know, financially, how that industry puts such a financial strain on young families. To do in vitro these days it's just ridiculous because that's not something that insurance helps pay for. Yeah, you know. So we, we just didn't go that route and by then I began to just sort of again like the writing on the wall, I'm banging my head against a door that is obviously not meant to be open for me. So at the age of 41, I went back to my gynecologist, who had been so great through the years, and she said, karen, we've got mounds of documentation that will support the hysterectomy whenever you're ready. And I said I'm, I'm ready.
Speaker 2:Obviously, this is not part of God's plan for me, but I don't want to suffer month to month, and so that was something that was a very easy decision to make, but yet emotionally difficult, because I can remember laying there on that stretcher, knowing what I was getting ready to go into that operating room for, and the anesthesiologist came out and he was like why are you crying, are you OK?
Speaker 2:And the anesthesiologist came out and he was like why are you crying, are you okay? And I was like, yeah, I'm just realizing that the thoughts, the dreams of having my own child end today Because I won't have the equipment anymore and it was just my heart and my head getting on the same page with that finality was a little bit tough. But when I look back on it now, having been, you know, 13, 14 years ago, it was the best decision for my health that I could have made and it led to such a beautiful story now, yeah, yeah, I know you want me to get into so I do have a question how did you feel when you told the doctor I'm ready?
Speaker 3:When those words came out of your mouth I'm ready.
Speaker 2:Again, I think that I just was tired. I was tired of holding on to a dream that it was never going to come to fruition, and I was at peace with the decision. I knew that it was the right decision for me. It was just not until the very day of surgery that my heart truly had to say goodbye to that part of my past and move on, you know, know, with a new future, and one that would include never, ever, experiencing feeling a child growing inside of me, knowing that there's a child on this earth that is part of me. Instead, jesus is taking care of my babies. Yes, and and I know I'll- see them one day.
Speaker 3:You will, you definitely will, yeah.
Speaker 2:But he had another plan and gratefully, you know, Bart was on the same page with me in all of that. Another reason to be thankful for second chances.
Speaker 3:Yes, another. So you guys, you couldn't afford private adoption. So what route did you take?
Speaker 2:Yeah, private adoption is about as big a money racket as in vitro can be for families and we just weren't in that place in our lives and, like I said, we were in our 40s and after we did some healing from the hysterectomy and I kind of, you know, start to think about, ok, how do we do this different? What does this look like for our family and how can I experience being a mom truly, being the only mom to a child, not a step mom or with partial responsibilities, to minor responsibilities? You know, bart and I just started to pray about it and just trying to look for other options and we found family builders right there in Catawba County. We went and were interviewed and talked through what that looked like. We were not looking for true foster care, we were looking to do adoption and they at that time called it the Foster to Adopt program. So we took the MAP classes, we did everything we needed to do to technically be foster parents and then we made the book and everything and depending on what would kind of come case by case, then if we were a good fit, then they would contact us and that's kind of. We just had to leave it literally in God's hands and we finished up all of that in.
Speaker 2:About that was about a six week program that you had to do these mandatory classes and then the home visit, and while that kind of coincided with us selling our classes and then the home visit, and well, that kind of coincided with us selling our home and building our home in conover. And so she came, the social worker came and interviewed us while we were living with my parents and she knew it was temporary because she could see them working. We were living with my parents because my parents were on the land that was right there near our land, and so she could see that our house was in progress, and so she just kept us in the system and in the loop and came and did her monthly visits just as if she was in our home, so that when it came time for us to move into our home with certificate of occupancy, she would then be able to come in and actually do our legitimate physical home study.
Speaker 3:Well, what are some things they were looking at or looking for?
Speaker 2:Well, obviously they're looking for the safety of a child. Yeah, they want to know our medications. They wanted to know legal background, as far as you know, did we have? Is there any abuse in our family? I mean, they're just looking for all kinds of things that would give them an indication of whether or not you're a good family for them to safely place a child in your care, because at the time you know it's just fostering You're not promised adoption but it's fostering. So they're looking for those kinds of things.
Speaker 2:They knew that we didn't need the money. It wasn't a financial reason why we were doing it. We had a clean home, we were free from major medications and the ones that we took we put in a lockbox, just like they asked for. Did we set up our home with child locks and on the cabinets and on the doors and in the plugs, and I mean all the things. Could we safely care for a child? And then they're looking for your mental stability too. They do look at your finances. They do make sure that you have a stable job. I mean just a lot. They're looking at you as a full family picture, but it all definitely comes down to the safety of the child and can you as a full family picture. But it all, it all definitely comes down to the safety of a child and can you? Can you guide a child during the time that they're entrusted to your care? So I hope that kind of answers that.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah yeah, that was a wonderful explanation so we had moved into our home in february of 2009. She came and did the study immediately and so that we would be eligible, and I got a call at work out of the blue on march the 2nd saying we've got a little situation. We only need you for about three days till we can find this young lady more of a permanent foster situation. So we just need you for three days. And I'm like, okay, give me the details. Like I'm excited, but you don't give me the details. Well, she's five years old, she is in foster care because the father sexually molested her and her sister. And I was like, oh, okay, so this is like now. We're like all the stuff that we talked about in our foster classes was like it just really does happen and they've been removed from his care and been in foster care, but unfortunately, she is acting out some of the touching on her sister. And I'm like what? I just was like, okay, all right, wait a minute. And they're like but, karen, we just need you for about three days, cause we know that fostering, you know, especially an older child was not necessarily what you wanted, but we just really we need something quick, like tonight. So of course, I call Bart. He's like, yeah, I mean let's do it. I mean obviously, obviously. And I'm like it's only for three days and I mean we'll just, we'll see how this goes. And, uh, he'll kind of give us a feel for you know what to expect in the future. I called my employer and they're like absolutely, we support you. Go ahead and leave, go.
Speaker 2:And I went straight to DSS from work, met there the current foster mom, the whole social work team, the police, I mean whoever else was there. I just remember it being a big room full of people and this little girl was sitting beside us and she kept coming over and she was like, do you have any gum? And she just was talking to me and you know, she on my lap down the. You know I was like, okay, I'm trying to listen to the conversation, but all the whole time I'm like you, precious, precious little girl, I you're going to be taken care of, baby, you're going to be safe at our house. We, we literally left from there.
Speaker 2:I didn't have really everything that I needed. Um, I did have a car seat, praise god. Um, because she was still small enough and young enough that needed to be in a car seat and we just proceeded to the house. It was kind of like, ok, you've got this child and she had just the clothes on her back in a small little bag. I mean it was really pretty sad. But you know what? God left her in our care for nine months, eight nine months. He was with us through November 12th and the first couple of months were kind of ugly, to the point where I'm on the phone with a social worker going okay, I don't know that I can do this Like she's screaming, she's throwing clothes, she's temper tantruming and stuff, and you're telling me I can't spank, I can't put her in the corner, I can't. You know like what am I supposed to do?
Speaker 2:Because everything that I was taught with discipline was what they tell you you can't do. I just went into the room. I'll never forget this one time. I went into the room and I just I grabbed her, kind of held her like in a kind of cradled like a baby, but I just squeezed her super tight, um. So when I say grabbed her, that's what I mean. I'm like squeezing her, like holding her close to me, so her her head and hair I can even visualize it now is in my right arm and her legs are off to my left side.
Speaker 2:I'm sitting on the edge of the bed and I'm rocking back and forth and I am holding her really tight. She's kicking, she's screaming, crying and just like oh you know, she's just yelling all kinds of stuff Like I don't want you to leave me alone. And all I said to her is as quietly as I could and I won't say her name on here, just to be careful, but I said her name on here, for you know, just for to be careful but I said her name and I said there's nothing you can do that's going to make me stop loving you. And it was like this child just melted in my arms and that was our turning point. Was she a?
Speaker 2:perfect kid after that. No, that was. That was the point that she was like I have boundaries and but there's not like all of this, I don't have to do this. She still loves me and things got so much better from there and, of course, we had her in church and she was loving it. We found out she loved music and she just became the brightest little girl. She went from being this fearful, more shy and lashing out kind of girl to a really loving little girl. She was more gentle with our pets. We had the two dogs at the time and she was more gentle with them. She became fun and loving and it was like we saw a shift completely in her little personality and we started counseling, because that's mandatory in some cases for them to have to go to counseling.
Speaker 2:Things were going so well in that fostering that Bart and I realized that we could love a child that was not biologically ours and she taught us that If that was all that we needed to learn from our time with her, then we got the message loud and clear. And the day we needed to learn from our time with her then. Then we got the message loud and clear and the day we had to release her to be in because we had loved her so well. They allowed her to go back to be with her dog, with her sister. That family that her sister was now with, which was going to be permanent placement, foster, to adopt, wanted them both, and successfully. We were able to do that. So we feel like we're a part of her, her healing and her history.
Speaker 2:But that was one of the hardest days was for us to say that we were not going to to the full time be her parents. It was so difficult on both of us. We cried and it was about the same time that we saw the movie Facing the Giants and there's a line in there where the old man is praying over the lockers and he comes into the coach's office and he's talking to him about the farmers praying for rain. There were all these farmers. They were praying for rain, but there was one farmer who went out and he prepared his fields to receive the rain. He wasn't just praying for rain and in that moment it leaped off that screen to me that all I had been doing was praying for a child. I hadn't been really preparing for a child and Bart and I came out of that movie. We had a long discussion and said we need to prepare for the rain. We need to prepare that God's going to bring exactly what we requested. You know what we're praying for and that's an infant. So we went out and we traded vehicles. I went from a car, a suv, so that I wouldn't have to lean over with a car seat and babies, you know all the carrier and everything and, yeah, we, so we traded vehicles almost within a week of of her, you know, going to the new home. Then we also got a crib and everything set up in the baby room, as if we were saying okay, lord, we now are prepared. If you want to bless us with this infant, we are ready. I got to change the table, I got. I mean like we got some clothes, we got some products, we are diapers, we are ready. Yeah, I mean, it literally was like we had to think that way. Our little hearts were healing because we missed her so much and unbeknownst to us within.
Speaker 2:Let's see, the last day with her was November 12th. There was a little boy born on November 29th and that is my son today, bryson. They came to our home on that following Friday, which was probably somewhere like around the 2nd or 3rd of December and told us all about him and said there's a little boy that needs a family and more than likely is going to be a foster to adopt. It may not exactly be what you wanted, but, or you know, say in your paperwork or whatever that you'd be open to having, but nevertheless he needs a mom and a dad. We just looked at each other and we're like we just need to pray about it. And she says well, you know, he's in child protective services at the moment at the hospital in the NICU, but you know, we've cleared everything with them. They they think that you're a great candidate and so take the weekend and let us know. So, of of course, we went to our parents. We talked to them about, you know, the possibility of this happening. Everybody was so super excited and stoked for us.
Speaker 2:We woke up the very next morning and I had a name. I already knew what we were calling Bryson. It is Bart Brandon Bryson. I mean it's Bart Bryson Brandon. I mean I'll have the O-N on the end. I said I think I want to call in Bryson, and so at that point Bart was like, yeah, I like it. And after that it was like he was ours, and so we called him and told him absolutely, I started maternity leave that Monday, got to meet him in the NICU and then and you, you just know and this is another way of of of just knowing what God's got planned for you the nurse that was in the NICU was somebody that we used to go to church with, so a godly believer, so she was overseeing him in the NICU.
Speaker 2:Then, when we got to the maternity floor, we had other nurses that we knew that were believers that you know were helping me. When I got to spend the night before I brought him home to make sure that I was a good mama and could get up every two hours and feed him and change his diaper, it was just like God was, like every single door just smoothly opened. And that little boy has been in our care and will be 13 years old this November. His adoption was final before even his year birthday and he's been Bryson to us since we brought him home.
Speaker 3:I can't believe the turnaround was that quick.
Speaker 2:It was really that quick. From November 12th to that early December, I mean it was like three weeks. I mean we had no idea, and that's the one thing. I think that's also really cool about God, because he already knew Bryson was in this person's womb, you know, even though there were not so great circumstances there. But you know he was there and he was already coming into the world and he's like oh, this collision is going to happen at exactly the right time, you know. I mean, here he is, he's only three or four days old and they're already coming to us and saying we want him to be with you and it was. It's just that was a God thing.
Speaker 3:So how long was it before he could come home? He came home nine days old. Nine days old, nine days, okay.
Speaker 2:You know how babies which I learned, of course you know I didn't have nine months to prepare yeah, um, but um, they will lose a little bit of weight after their first year. And because he wasn't nursing the traditional way and he was having to be on formula, of course he had to adjust to and so he lost down below six pounds, and they don't like them to leave the hospital, at least in his particular case, under six pounds. I saw we met him on Monday morning. I went back Monday night, I was there a couple of times on Tuesday, then Wednesday a couple of times, and then that night I stayed overnight. They let me have a room and him in the room with me, out of the NICU, and by the time we left the hospital he was six pounds two ounces, and so they knew then that this was a good thing.
Speaker 2:This was a great change. He was having interaction with us, getting to know us. You know our smells, everything that a child does to begin to feel comfortable in your space. And then he fed very well for me. We did not have any issues. He's been eating this out of the house at home since Still, oh, my goodness, yes, he's, you know, 12 years old, 5'7", 155 pounds. He is going to be one tall young man.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And even though I didn't have anything biologically to do with him, he is one handsome young man too yeah, how did he adjust to being adopted? You know the circumstances around his birth. He's biracial. When they came to us and told us that he was biracial, I didn't care at that point.
Speaker 2:He was a baby that needed a mom and I needed, I needed a son, right, and so it really didn't bother us. But that's why she said it's not exactly what you said you were looking for. But you know, babies just need loving homes. It doesn't matter the color of their skin or their background or anything like that. So, but funnily enough, we've always taken the approach early on.
Speaker 2:We had already made the decision that if Bryce would never ask any questions, that we would be open. We also knew that, with him being biracial and us being a white family, it would be kind of obvious that he was different or that we were different from him. And so he was around four or five years old. We were driving in the car we lived off 16 in Conover at the time and we were coming up on Oxford School Road and I just remember he always sat when I was driving my vehicle. He always sat in that, behind the passenger seat, you know, in his car seat, so that I could reach him or talk to him and I could see him real well in my mirror. And he said, mommy, he said why did God make me brown, you white and daddy red?
Speaker 3:Wait, you got to explain why red for Mark.
Speaker 2:Let me put it into context To explain that my husband has a red complexion. His face is always red. It's worse when he's in the sun. It's worse when he's in the wind.
Speaker 3:It is a significant.
Speaker 2:I guess rosacea technically.
Speaker 3:Or when he's coaching an intense baseball or basketball game.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it gets even better. But I thought it was funny because he's just looking at our faces. And so he said why am I brown? You're white and daddy's red. Well, you know, you're never really prepared, I guess, for that question. So very quickly I was like Lord, what do I say? And I said well, you know what? You know what, bunny? I said God loves color. I said because if everything was the exact same color, we wouldn't be able to tell each other apart. And I said that's why the sky is blue and the clouds are white, so that we can tell that that's a cloud and that's the sky, that the grass is green and trees and flowers and things are different colors, so that we can tell what kinds of flowers they are. And I said he makes all kinds of colors, of people too. And I said he just loves color and he was fine with that. He, he was on his way yeah, we had no more questions.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and um, about eight or nine years old. So you know, another four or five years later because I mean, again, we had already decided, you know, if he ever asks questions we're gonna meet him where he's at. And he had had a kind of an unfortunate conversation with some boys at the Y, used to go to the Y in the summer while we were working, so so he would have, you know, fun, you know, sports related things that he could be doing during the day and good care, and apparently some other. Funnily enough, some other children had said to him some boys, that he must have come from an orphanage because the parents were white. So Bryson was in the bathroom at the time and soaking in the bath and he told me this because I didn't understand why I didn't want to go back to the Y. He said, mommy, I just don't want to go back. And I said, how come? And that's when he told me that the boys there told me that I came from an orphanage and so I kind of put the toilet seat down and I just sat there with him and I said is it okay if I tell you the story of how you came into this world and how you came to mommy and daddy's house. He said, yeah, and I just told him as simple as I could, as an eight year old could understand eight or nine at the time. I just said you know, sweetheart? No, I said you were born on the 29th.
Speaker 2:The social worker came to the house and said that this little boy, this baby, needs a mom and a dad and you're looking to have a baby. I said so. We met you. Grandma came up to the hospital and met you. I got to stay in the hospital with you one night and show them that I could be a good mommy and change your diaper and feed you and everything. And I said and then we brought you home. I said you've been with us your whole life. You've never, ever been in an orphanage.
Speaker 2:And at that point you could just see some peace and calm come over him. And that's all I had to say. And then he said where do Black people come from? Did they come over from Africa? And then I thought, okay, you've got to understand the simple, childlike mind and we had a brief conversation about you know some of that. He quickly moved from because he just he's just trying to fill in the gaps, I guess, and we haven't had a conversation since that day any further about it.
Speaker 2:He has not asked for more specifics or anything like that, and he knows he's loved by every single person in our family, especially by the Lord. You know what a blessing to also know that his life is so different, because God did put him in our lives and us in his life with a divine purpose. And at seven years old, bryson himself, of his own free will, came into my bedroom and said Mommy, I want to ask Jesus into my heart. And so I had the privilege which was something I had prayed over his little life for a very long time that he would come to know the Lord at a very early age and that if there was anything we could do as parents to talk truth to him, to teach him truth, to have him in church, we were dedicating him to the Lord. And that was an awesome privilege that I had at seven years old to kneel with him beside the bed and lead him in the sinner's prayer.
Speaker 2:You know, yeah, see my son then get baptized, you know, a few months later and have a separate conversation with the pastor and make sure that he did understand what he had done, and to now see him figuring out what the Christian walk looks like and going to Christian school. He's been in Christian school his entire education life, so it's been such a blessing. Yeah, I could not have asked for this to have been any better yeah, yeah, now y'all have moved to Florida.
Speaker 3:You're in Ocala. The school that he's in now is it private? It is a private christian school. It's a private, okay, and about how many are in his class he has um 16 or 17 kids.
Speaker 2:I think they just enrolled um as someone new that had moved to the area, so I think they're now 17 in his class. Yeah, um, so the entire seventh grade is 17 kids. Okay, that's the school.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's about the same size as millersville okay, yeah, that's about the same size that I grew up in yeah, so about 200 kids total and it only goes through the eighth grade. Oh, okay, yeah, very similar to millersville christian oh, okay, well, that's not tiny, then if it only goes up to eighth grade, it only goes to eighth grade.
Speaker 2:They used to go to 12th but they have some space issues and, of course, teachers, you know finding teachers yeah. They haven't had high school ninth through 12th grade for several years now, but they're looking to the future to change that back grade for several years now, but they're looking to the future to change that back. So, yes, after eighth grade we will have to go look again for where we should move next.
Speaker 3:Now we talked about advice that you would give parents that are going through the same thing, with infertility issues and just and, like you said, the whole in vitro route is so expensive. So the advice you gave was to go in with eyes wide open. Can you expand on that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I do think that you need to. You know, if this is something that a couple is looking at, you can't go into it dreamy-eyed, thinking that everything's just going to be peachy keen, because the foster-to-adopt world is very different and I think raising a child that biologically isn't yours is also different. And with me not having anything to compare it to, I can just see some minor things. I would still lay my life down for him. I would absolutely do whatever I would need to do for him. I love him as if he was my own. I don't look at him and see color. I don't look at him and see his history. I, even though I know his past, I don't. I don't look at him that way at all. But I think when you are considering going into adoption, especially this route foster to adopt you do need to be aware and your heart you just need to be sure that that's where God wants you to be and that you're sure of what you can be prepared for.
Speaker 2:It is sad what is happening to the children. You know and we didn't feel like we were being called as parents to go outside of our country, let alone outside of our state. I mean, we knew that there were children right there in Catawba County that needed homes. We were just grateful that God worked it out the way that he did. So I guess that's what I meant was you just can't go into it thinking it's going to be all. What do they say? Rainbows and unicorns, or?
Speaker 3:whatever.
Speaker 2:It's not necessarily a simple, easy process, but when you're walking in the direction that God has planned for your life, he opens doors and he makes the way more smooth because you're perfectly centered right there in his will. I guess that's what I was really really meaning by that.
Speaker 3:One more thing I want to go back to you, listening to God. So a few years ago, you decided to quit being a physical therapist assistant and you went into massage therapy. Can you just tell us Because I want to wrap this up with you opening your own business and the dream that God laid on your heart. The dream that God laid on your heart.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, that's fair. Yeah, we did talk about that. I never would have said that I, if anybody had ever called me that, I'd be like, nah, I wouldn't have said that I was entrepreneurial. Okay, I didn't really even know for real what that meant. Like, what does all that entail? I began to just think bigger and different.
Speaker 2:I had had a car accident when I was 19 that got me. I had to go through physical therapy to learn to walk again. That physical therapist spoke some things into my life and I felt like God was saying to me at that time maybe it's physical therapy. Now you've got something. I love people, I like being around people. I like teaching people, therapy. Now you've got something. I love people, I like being around people, I like teaching people. Maybe this is a way for me to take my own experience and really have true empathy for people that are going through rehabilitation. Of course, I thought it was going to be more of a sports rehabilitation and, lo and behold, the Lord went completely in the opposite direction with the majority of my career into skilled nursing and loving on old people. Um, and I absolutely loved it. I I told him in school don't you dare sending me to a nursing home. I don't want to do that.
Speaker 2:I'm going to be with, you know, these, these young guys that have acl injuries and all this. I'm going to be an outpatient therapist. Oh no, no that didn't last very long.
Speaker 2:But all the while, as as I was aging, as we were, you know, going through this marriage with Bart and then with Bryson coming along, you began to start thinking about am I going to be able to continue to do this kind of physical work that I was doing as a physical therapy assistant and rehab manager? I was a director of multiple buildings. I mean, I had some God-given administrative talents, I guess, abilities, and it was like am I going to be able to continue to do this for, you know, kind of indefinitely? Stroke rehab, neuro rehab was one of my favorite places in amputations amputees I love doing gait training and those people were getting bigger and bigger and I was getting older and older.
Speaker 2:And so I just began in in my thoughts, in my heart, to start, without really asking the Lord like blatantly coming out, okay, are you done with me in physical therapy and do you want me to do something else? But I just started to let my thoughts go with where would I go from here? And there was a time where I was like I said something to my mom. I was like you know what I just I've been asked to do a couple of weddings and I love doing cooking and food and making people feel happy with food so maybe I should do some sort of little house that I fix up and it's for bridal parties and they come in all the bridesmaids, and I have a couple different menus. And I mean I was just telling her all these she's like you're not such a great idea. And wow, that would be a one-stop shop for a bride, blah, blah, blah, making it easier.
Speaker 2:And then I was like, so it kind of went away, right, but the thought of doing something else didn't go away. And then I thought, well, you know, there's this school in Newton that teaches you how to be an esthetician. I love skin and makeup and hair and doing all that stuff. Maybe I'll go and look at doing that. So I went and interviewed with the lady there, the instructor, and then I was when I found out how much it costs and how much school it was going to take and I was like I can't do that and my job and I'd have to take off and we can't afford for me to do that and Bryson's, you know, still just a baby and I'm like what am I going to do?
Speaker 2:So that kind of was like, okay, that doesn't work well, as God would have it. I had found that massage therapy was a natural way for me to manage my stress. Nothing else. The doctors ever tried with me medication wise because I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Nothing else was working. I was just in a fog. But if I went and had, you know, scheduled systematic massage every couple of weeks, I really could manage my muscle stress and just my mental stress so much easier.
Speaker 3:Was it like? Was it lymphatic it?
Speaker 2:is Okay.
Speaker 2:Oh, I have deep, deep tissue like major like, the deeper the better, just manage my pain and just that tension that you keep. And fibro people they know it can be awful when you're in a flare. So I had my therapist had moved away and I had to find someone, and so someone had recommended a lady to me by the name of Joy, and she said when I started seeing her, she, she was the first person to introduce me to doTERRA products. But she also said I really think you'd make a great massage therapist because you know so much about the body already. You would like have a leg up on everybody.
Speaker 2:In school I went back this is a second career for me, but I didn't know anything about the body. I had to learn anatomy all for the first time, and so it just got me thinking. And so then, of course, I started praying and she, she said I know exactly who you need to go and see. And so she gave the name and number at the maiden school of massage and said she's, here's where it's at blah, blah, blah, you need to go and talk to her. So that was another opportunity where the Lord was like I, he's shifting, he's moving me in another direction, because all of a sudden the doors were flying wide open. I walked into the space and as soon as we met, we both were so comfortable with each other and she has a believer background as well and we just connected on that level and she was like yes, you can come be one of my students in my night program. So it was something that I was going to be able to do while Bryson was small enough to not really miss me too much and I would be able to continue to do my full-time job and go to school at night. And so I jumped in and, right before he turned five years old, I enrolled in massage school.
Speaker 2:14 months later, I graduated, started my massage career in 2016 while I was working, still full-time, and then in 2000 and late 16, my little part-time business, when I would get home, was really filling up my schedule and this thought came into my mind it needs to be a bigger space. I need more space. So I was working at home. Bart had, while I was finishing up school, had converted our garage into a space and and I was like I think I really want to own my own space and I think I really do want to do something for women and I maybe I could do a place where they do hair and facials and nails and massage. We could just have this great, you know. So I just was like, okay, it was like a little dream, that a little vision that kind of had popped into my, into my spirit. I don't know how to explain it. So this is where God started really working.
Speaker 2:So I went to my friend, jennifer, who had been doing my hair at this point probably three or four years, and I said, hey, jennifer, we were just talking. And I said how do you? You know, she talked about, you know, working from her home. And she's like well, how do you like working from home? She goes, it's kind of hard because you don't really get out and see people. And you know, I said, yes, and it's kind of lonely at times. And I said you know, I feel like all I do is come home from one job and go to the next one and everything, and I'd really love to do it full time. But I'll tell you what I'm thinking about. Possibly. I mean, what do you think about, you know? Do you think women would be interested in a place where they can come and have a massage or get their hair done or the nails or get a facial.
Speaker 2:And she was like are you serious? And I said yeah. I said I, I really think god's telling me that I'm that. That's like the next step. She said, karen, I have been praying for something that would get me out of my home, but I've been scared to go back to a shop experience because of the backbiting and things. Sometimes salon oh you titions, hairst stylists can be really ugly. And she said I just that's the only reason why I came back and started working in my home. I've been here for 13 years but I feel like I can't get out anywhere and I feel like I'm doing my work at home when I'm supposed to be just home, and I'm doing you know home stuff when I'm at work and and I just was like well, what do you think of the idea she goes? If you do it, she goes, I'll be your first stylist.
Speaker 2:Well, I just sat back in the chair and she finished working. And then she was like and I know somebody who's into real estate. You ought to call him. And so when she told me who it was cause she does his hair I'm like, oh my gosh, that's a distant cousin. I didn't know he did real estate. I thought he was a photographer. I mean, it was like a shoe blow in my mind. Well, we called him right away and he starts looking at buildings and the next thing I know he is introducing me to a florist building in downtown Conover at 505 First Avenue South.
Speaker 2:We went and looked at it but as soon as I walked through the door, lisa, it was like vision. I was like, oh, this will be the lobby. We can turn that into my room Upstairs. Those bedrooms will be massage rooms. That room right there will be perfect for an esthetician or someone who does, you know, just makeup and you know, hair updos or whatever. And then this other side, where he was doing his plants and some of his, his home interiors. That'll be great for a salon. I can see at least three chairs and tape and mirrors and this back part, it could be nails. I mean this will be the public bathroom.
Speaker 2:I could just see it all amongst the clutter and I walked out of that place and I'm like, I know it's a mess, but oh my gosh, I can see it. I can just see it. And he was like, well, what do you want to do? And I'm like, okay. Well, I guess I need to start working really seriously on financing. So let me figure it out. It was, it was coming up where I was like I don't, I don't know what I'm going to do.
Speaker 2:At the time I, who I was banking with, did not want to take a risk and I was like, okay, lord, you've brought me this far. And now that there's a shut door, I don't understand. I would go by, I would make an excuse to go to cookout, get a milkshake, just so I can come back home and drive by the building and look at the building. Well, this one particular time I drove by and it had a pending sign on it. Oh, that's your heart. I'm like what happened? I did, I was like what happened, like what? And I, I called him and I was like you know what's going on? He said I don't know. And he's like I want there's nothing out there, saying there's anything going on. Let me try to call the realtor for him. Well, he never could get an answer back from him.
Speaker 2:Well, the next day that I went by, the sign was gone, completely out of the yard. So I pull in and I literally in the parking lot, and for those of you that might be listening. If you know, downtown Conover and where Unseen Hand is at right now, I literally pulled up to that fence where my nose of my car was facing the peak of that side of the building. I just, I mean, I began to have this massive, out loud conversation with God, like I thought. You said that this is what I was supposed to do and I'm, you know, I have prayed, I know this is what you're, but I don't know where the money's coming from. God, I need you to break through on my behalf, because if this is what you want, you're going to have to pay for the bill, because I don't know how I'm going to get the money. I mean, I just was going on and I don't understand why it's not got for sale, signing it anymore, you know, and if this isn't the place, then you're just going to have to show me what is.
Speaker 2:I mean, I just poured my heart out and when I left there, it was as if I because I had just left myself, you know, all out there for the Lord peace just began to come over me and I, I just was like okay, and I didn't go back by. I waited, waited. It had been about two weeks and I was like I want a milkshake, I'm going to go by. And so I went and got me a vanilla milkshake and I came back. I came back by and lo and behold, there was a new realtor sign, brand new company realtor sign, in the yard. Well, I was so stinking excited. I called him up and I'm like, oh my gosh, you know there's a sign and it's this person. He's like, ok, I'll call her.
Speaker 2:And when he did, he found out that you know they'd already made some things were happening with the gentleman and his nephew was managing all of his care now and they were trying to do they were putting it back on the market because I had been the only person to ever come and see the space and she already had an estate sale set up. The estate sale company was interested in the house you know the building itself, and but she was going to be auctioning everything out of his house, blah, blah, blah. And they already had three people set up to look at it and he went to bat for me and he was like she was literally ready to put in an offer. Yeah, and when all this went down and she, the the other realtor lady called the nephew and he said that's right, she was the only one that ever came and saw it. So you canceled those appointments, she can have it. And after that the price came down by 30,000. I mean, I had a private financial partner who said I want you to have your dream, I want this to come to fruition for you. You're an amazing therapist and I want to help you. And so we we went to an attorney. I set up my LLC so that she could give the money to the LLC as the you know financer, and then I made my payments to her and I mean, the rest is history.
Speaker 2:We gutted the place. I sunk everything I had into it, all my 401k and and anything I had left over went into the the truly of Unseen Hand Salon, spa and Wellness. It's beautiful. Here we are today and that building. A lot of love went into that building and that place was redeemed. It was truly set aside for us to do what we're doing there. For us to do what we're doing there.
Speaker 2:And I know some people have gone by my sign and probably thought they're a palm reader in there because of the hand on the sign. But no, no, it's the unseen hand. You know of the Lord who works through us and the women that work there who are service providers. They're independent contractors, they just rent space for me, but we're like one big happy family. They all love the Lord. Um, you know, and so it's a.
Speaker 2:When you walk into that space and you see unseen hand on the wall, almost every person is like there's something different about this place and it is because it was prayed over.
Speaker 2:It was God's blessing. He redeemed that building for what it was being used for before and it wasn't honoring him to now a space that was going to honor him at every turn. So that was probably one of the hardest decisions when thinking about coming to florida was leaving my full-time. You know expectation there at unseen hand. I still own it. Yeah, and it will. It will stay in my hands as long as the Lord says, because you know the work he started there has has been good, the community has accepted us, and so and then you know the other blessing was above where the salon is is there's a classroom. So I automatically had a place where I could teach my natural solutions classes with doTERRA, automatically had a place where I could teach my natural solutions classes with doTERRA. I mean he set everything up for me to be really successful and he's brought some amazing people into my life. It's been an adventure.
Speaker 3:Hey, I appreciate you sharing your story and getting. You're very welcome and I know it's hard. I know it's hard talking about some of this and thank you for opening up your life, your story, and I know that you've just been a help to people out there.
Speaker 2:Well, that's all I want to be is, you know, my testimony to bring encouragement to someone else's life that may have walked in a few of those places that I've walked and just know that you know God has. Of those places that I've walked and just know that you know God has the very best plan for us. We just have to stay close, stay in the word, stay in constant communication with him and he will lead you if you let him. Thank you, elisa. Thank you for being such a great friend and loving on my boy when our boys play ball together. Loving on my boy when our boys play ball together.
Speaker 3:Oh gosh, I miss them, I miss them all playing together.
Speaker 2:I know I do too, but they do grow up, all right, well thank you for having me.
Speaker 3:Thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you, until next time.
Speaker 3:Thank you for listening to this episode of Beyond Existing. Many thanks to my guests and also to Crystal Webb and her middle school jazz band for supplying the music when the Saints come marching in. If there's something that you would like to share with me or a topic that you would like to hear discussed, there's a link in the show's description, so just send me a text. Please share the show with friends and family to help grow the podcast and be sure to follow wherever you listen to podcasts.