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Beyond Existing - Beyond the Small Talk
Has life's struggles left you feeling like you were going through your days "just existing?" In this podcast you will hear stories/testimonies from myself and others who have dealt with the struggles life has to offer and getting to that place in which life is being lived "beyond existing." I appreciate all of those who have been willing to "put themselves out there" to open up and share personal information for the betterment of others.
Beyond Existing - Beyond the Small Talk
"I Fired Hospice (Kind Of) and My Oncologist Called Me Nuts." Sandy Shares her Near-Death, Faith-Filled Cancer Journey.
In the words of Sandy, God gets the glory, we share the story. Listen as Sandy shares her unfiltered journey from a 26-hour ER wait and a lymphoma diagnosis to months of failed chemo, hospice care, a second baptism, and a scan with no evidence of disease. The through line is time—how faith reshapes minutes, choices, and what we hold onto when nothing else stands still.
• background in rural nursing and Louisville, Georgia roots
• what follicular lymphoma is and how it erodes immunity
• early symptoms, misreads, and the sepsis scare
• insurance denial tied to COVID vaccination and treatment access
• failed chemo, brutal side effects, and daily losses
• choosing to stop treatment and finding unexpected peace
• hospice as structure, not surrender, amid unrelenting pain
• family reconciliation and shared remission with her brother
• baptism, overnight relief, and a clean PET scan
• a skeptical oncologist’s perspective changed by outcomes
• the clock vision and “While in the Waiting” message
• practical encouragement for patients to keep faith and reorder priorities
I would like to introduce Sandy. Sandy hells from the great city of Louisville, Georgia. And a little fact about Louisville, Georgia, is it's actually Georgia's first official capital. Not Savannah, as most people think. Savannah was the capital during the colonial times, but after the American Revolution, um, Louisville was the first capital of Georgia, um, under the United States. And it was capital from 1796 to 1806. Uh, Sandy, if you got any extra history you'd like to add about Louisville?
SPEAKER_00:No, if you've never been, you should come because our courthouse is beautiful.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I was reading that it was built in uh 1906. Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00:And they've been doing right, and they've been doing a little work on it, and so they it it's really like the original jail is still there and they've redone it and all it I mean, you should just come. I mean, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and then um I was reading there's an American Revolution Cemetery there that you can visit as well. That's right. Sandy worked as a nurse. Sandy, you're still a nurse, right? I am. Okay, so what kind of nurse were you for the longest time? Like geriatric. Geriatric yeah, rural health care. In September of 2021, Sandy was diagnosed with follicular lymphoma, double B cell cancer. Uh Sandy, can you explain exactly what that cancer is?
SPEAKER_00:So um a lot of people when they hear follicular lymphoma, they're like, oh, I I know what that is, you know, that's uh blood cancer. Well, and I and I actually thought that. But when I was given that diagnosis, I started doing a lot of research, got on a lot of webinars, actually joined the uh Leukemia Lymphoma Society, and you know, got a lot of resources from them. But what it is, is it is it is a blood cancer, but it affects your immunity, so it affects your lymph nodes. It it causes you to basically to wipe out your immunity, you have nothing. A lot of times it transforms into other cancers. It is one of the cancers that will transform into a more aggressive form of cancer. A lot of times it for some reason it goes to the lungs. And as you'll hear, I mean, you know, mine it it didn't go to the lungs, it went other places.
SPEAKER_01:So my goodness. So before you were diagnosed, what did you think was wrong with you? Like what were some of the things you were noticing?
SPEAKER_00:So I noticed that I was tired. Like I but I worked a lot, I worked long hours, I traveled. Um, and so I thought that it was just from working so much. Um, and I kept thinking, if I can just make it to my vacation, if I can just make it to my vacation. And I noticed probably about three weeks before I was diagnosed that I could not bend my left leg. Uh in my growing area, it was sore. And then I started noticing that there was like big, huge knots. I just kept thinking, I as a nurse, I thought that my lymph noduct was stocked up. And so I was like, maybe I just need some antibiotics. So I said, well, I'm gonna ride it out. And so I tried to ride it out. Uh matter of fact, uh a few nights before I ended up giving in to go to the hospital, uh, some friends was over for supper, and I my dining room table at that time was high top chairs, and I told them I couldn't sit in them because I could not even get up in that chair, but I couldn't stand for my leg to be bent and the pressure on it. If I could stretch my leg out, it was a little bit tolerable. But if it was bent, I could not tolerate the pain. But other than that, and I noticed that I was having severe night sweats at night. I would wake up and my bed linens would be soaked. It got to the point where we had to sleep with the ceiling fan on high and the floor fan, um, a standing floor fan on high blowing right on me to even be able to sleep some. Um, so I knew something was going on, but as a nurse, you you don't want to reach out for help. You you think that it'll pass. Would you say nurses are some of the worst patients? Yes, they are. I hear that all the time. Doctors and nurses are the worst patients. And and I and you know, looking back on it when I was going through my journey and and thinking back, you know, you always hindsight 2020. Well, what if I'd have gone on? You know, would things have not progressed like they did? Or would my treatment would not have been as long? But I I still say everything happens the way it should happen because it is God's plan.
SPEAKER_01:Right. So you were getting ready for uh work one morning and you got that dreaded phone call. Can you explain kind of like that conversation and then what occurred over the next few days?
SPEAKER_00:So I finally gave in. I went I went to uh an emergency room. It was still during the whole COVID pandemic, and me and my husband actually laid my head in his lap, my feet were in a wheelchair, and we sat in a waiting in a waiting room at an ER for 26 hours um waiting to be seen. Finally, it got seen. They gave me some medicine, they did a CT scan, and they said they could see that there was several swollen lymph nodes, and it looked like maybe one of them was abscessed. They wanted me to go home and take the antibiotics and then follow up with primary care. I did that in three or four days. I was so sick, I literally could not move. And so I ended up going to one of my friends that was actually my GYN doctor, calling her, and she told my husband to bring me on over, so did, and she said that I was septic. So they admitted me to the hospital the next day. I had a surgeon to come in, and so he was like, You're gonna have to have emergency surgery. So I did, move forward, had the surgery, I came home about seven or it was either seven or nine days later, about seven thirty in the morning. I was in the bathroom. I I literally, it was like it was five minutes ago. I can still close my eyes and see it. I was brushing my teeth and I had my phone laying on the counter and I looked down and it then it had my friend that was my GYN's name come up, and I was like, why is she calling me at 7:30 in the morning? So I answered it and she was like, What are you doing? And I said, getting ready for work, and I said, Why are you calling me at 7:30 in the morning? And she said, Um, well, Dara Bates wanted to call you, but I'm calling you. And she said, I just wanted to let you know that we got your pathology report back, and I need you to come to the office. It came back, you have cancer. I can remember turning around and letting the lid down on the toilet and sitting down on the toilet, and like I just I couldn't even say anything, and she was crying, and I was crying, and so we ended up I said, Well, I'll okay, and so she said, Come after lunch. So I went, I said, okay, I'll come after lunch. So I went on and hung the phone up, and I just sat there for a little while. And then I I remember coming out of the bathroom, and I remember telling my husband, you know, that was Dr. So and so, and she said, I have cancer. And he's like, What? Yeah, and I have to go today. And so, anyway, so we went and she got me right on into oncology. Uh, that day I actually saw somebody, not the doctor she wanted me to see, but I saw a different doctor. I mean, like I can still, like I said, today, I can still think back to that moment, and it's like I'm reliving it all over again. It's that you hear people say that numbing effect, it was a numbing effect. It was like, yeah, dreaming, is this real? I can't believe you had to sit sit 26 hours in the ER. 26 hours, and it was packed. I mean, people were everywhere with masks, and uh I'll never forget it because um it was a Friday night, and one of the guys' kids from uh where we live got hurt at the ball game playing ball, and his mom brought him in after that when they found out that you know turned out and I had cancer. She was like, Is that what was going on with you that night? And she was like, We just couldn't wait any longer. And I was like, Well, we waited 26 hours. I mean, it was just yeah, you know, but I I I I was at the point, I was at their mercy, you know. It didn't matter if it had been 30 hours. I mean, I I had to get some kind of help.
SPEAKER_01:I I was sick, but some kind of relief, yeah. I just can't imagine, like, you know, does your life like flash before your eyes when you're told when you're given that kind of news?
SPEAKER_00:I don't say that my life flashed in front of my eyes, but I can remember so many days going through that first couple of weeks afterwards, thinking like, and I'm gonna share this, but I was thinking like I have wasted so much of my life over nonsense, over stuff that doesn't even matter the name. I I don't, you know, I don't know if I'm gonna make it through the next month. You know, why did I do that? And I I can even remember having that conversation, you know, with my husband. Why, if I could turn back the hands of time, know what I know now, things would be so different. And remember for probably three or four weeks, I just kept saying that and just thinking to myself, what if I don't get that next Christmas? What if I don't get my child's next birthday? Just have a lot of what ifs. It's like, where do you, it's almost like you're at a and and I just I described this one time to somebody in a t when I gave my testimony. I said it was like I was at a dead end road and there was a wall. I couldn't see over it, I couldn't see around it, all I could do was stare it straight in the face and and and just hope and pray. I mean, that's all I could do. I mean That's all you had. That's that's good insight. I think about you know, so many times before that, before I got diagnosed, how I would just come, you know, come back from a trip for work on Friday and I would be so tired. And on Saturday and Sunday, all I wanted to do was rest and do my laundry and get my grocery shopping done or whatever, pay my bills or whatever. And I would be like, you know, I'll go to church next Sunday. You know, I but when that in that moment, it's like I don't have I might not even have next Sunday. You know, I started really time became important to me. Not just the next hour, it was the next minute.
SPEAKER_01:The next minute.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Oh my. Your doctor's coming up with your plan, and you're gonna start your treatments. But can you share this crazy requirement that can you share with the audience what you shared with me about insurance and covet? Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So um, like I shared, everything from from that day that I first saw oncology, it is like putting a cassette tape in the cassette player and hitting play and fast forward at the same time. I mean, that literally is how I felt because everything moved so fast. I had the appointment, they um scheduled me for a pet scan, um, they scheduled me for bone marrow biopsy, and then they scheduled me for a port placement. And then all of this happened within like a two-week span. Everything was rocking along. Uh, I finally did see the oncologist that I was supposed to see. She gave me the definite diagnosis and said, you know, we've got a plan. This is what we're gonna do. You know, come back next Wednesday, Thursday. I can't even remember, I think it was Wednesday, um, and you'll get your uh chemo education, and then we'll start, we'll go ahead and do the treatment at the same time. So you since you live a distance, so I go that day to get my chemo treatment, and when I get in there, they're like, um, there's a small problem, and I was like, what is it? And when the doctor sent your notes to insurance for them to approve your chemo treatments, they sent back a denial for your chemo due to you have not taken the COVID vaccine. And I said, I'm not taking the COVID vaccine. You don't I'm not taking it. Yeah, I didn't take it and I'm not gonna take it. And they were like, Well, it's a problem. If you don't take the COVID vaccine, they do not have to pay for your chemo treatments. Well, you know, like what's the next option? Well, there is no other option, you know. It's either you get the COVID vaccine and you can get your treatments, and the insurance will pay for it. This is unbelievable. Or you can pay your treatments out of pocket. And I said, I don't have that kind of money. They had already gotten on the phone with this other hospital that has an outpatient office down the street and set up for me to get the vaccine. Went down, got the vaccine. They told me that I would have to get the next, but I had to get both vaccines before to meet the requirement. But they didn't want to wait for me to get the second vaccine before starting the treatment. So if I agreed that I would get the second vaccine, they would go ahead and start the treatment. So they told me to come back. I had to wait, it was either 48 or 72 hours before I could start my treatment. And then I came back and got started on my treatments. And then a week after starting my treatments, I went back and got my next um COVID injection. So yeah, I I was forced to get the COVID vaccine. I I didn't have a choice. I mean, because I they were those treatments were expensive, and you know, and then it was like in my mind I was thinking, well, then they could say, well, we're not gonna pay for this scan or that scan, and then we get into a big old mess. And so I just went on and got it.
SPEAKER_01:I don't I mean, I don't blame you. There's no way you could have afforded any of those treatments. Yeah, on your own. So you started chemo in September, and then January you went in for your first test, is that right? I went in for a repeat Pan. Yeah, yeah. And you found out that the chemo was not working, right?
SPEAKER_00:That's right. Which they already sort of thought that because my lives were not changing. My my my numbers were not changing. So um when I had the PET scan, they told me that, you know, nothing had changed. And so they wanted to change up the chemo regimen. Well, when they changed up the chemo regimen, it required for me to literally be there when the center opened at 8:30 and they closed at 5. And most of the time I was still there at 15 and 20 after 5, getting taken off the treatment. The one thing I I can say about the chemo treatments, I I lost all my dignity. I I had none. I mean, I'm sitting in a room with 50 to 60 people getting chemo treatments and the first couple of treatments until they figured out what worked for me. I mean, I would be throwing up in trash cans and because barf bags would not hold it. So I had to throw up in trash cans. Oh my gosh. Yeah, in front of everybody. Yeah, I mean, these people would just be looking at me, you know, like, and and and now I, you know, think I think about it and I'm like, they're over there thinking, probably, yeah, we've done been down that road. And so once they figured it out though, you know, when I'd get there, they'd uh go ahead and give me something in my port for nausea. And then they would give me something and knock me out for the first hour of my treat. But it it was a toll on my family and my friends because they had to take me, they had to drive me to my treatment, and then they had to sit there while I was going through the treatment. They were sitting in a straight chair, they didn't get to sit in a reclining chair. I mean, I I I'm thankful for my family and my friends during that that time because I mean it was not easy on them. It was hard on me, but it wasn't easy on them either.
SPEAKER_01:I want to repeat the length of your treatment. So when you when they upped your chemo, that you had to sit in that chair and get the infusion from 8 30 until 5 15 or 5 20 after they were closing. That's right. After closing time.
SPEAKER_00:And I had the best chemo nurse. Uh I had the same chemo nurse the whole time, except for when she went out on maternity leave. And we got to know each other on a I say on a friendship level. Like I I got to know where she was from, about her dynamics, her family, you know. She got to know about mine. You know, when you're with somebody that much, you develop a bond. A treatment nurse, you have to have it in your heart. Because I I think about it now, I think about how many people were taking treatments when I was that they didn't make it, you know. They would you'd go and then a few months they wouldn't show up, and I'd be like, Well, what happened to so? And they would be like, They passed on or whatever. Um, and those people, you know, they get attached to to the patients, and then they have to grieve them losing them. And so a treatment nurse has to have a heart.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, yeah. I agree. That's how I always feel about hospice nurses, too.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. Yes, I had a wonderful, a wonderful hospice nurse.
SPEAKER_01:Well so we'll get into that in just a little bit. Yeah, she definitely has a heart. Yeah. Um, so how many chemo infusions would you say that you went through?
SPEAKER_00:I think between the immunotherapy and the chemo treatments, I I I was trying to figure it up going through my calendar and all my dates, but I want to say it's somewhere between 50 and 62 treatments between chemo and immunotherapy. Oh man. And I mean, it it was like a well, I'll get into that. I know you weren't gonna ask me probably, but there, how how sick. I know people see on TV and people probably have had family members to go through treatments and all of that, but I'm so thankful for the treatments. But the treatments in itself is so harsh on the mind and the body, mentally and physically.
SPEAKER_01:Oh my goodness. So, which one do you think worked better? Could you tell the difference between the immunotherapy and the chemotherapy?
SPEAKER_00:I think the chemotherapy worked better. Um now it was it was harsher on my body. That is when I really started developing a lot of the issues. The immunotherapy, at you know, when I finished my chemo and they wanted me to go back to the immunotherapy, and um when I went back and my skins were clear, um, but I said no, and I'll still say today if it comes back, I I won't take another treatment. You won't chemo or chemo, I will not.
SPEAKER_01:So, what were some of the side effects that you started feeling?
SPEAKER_00:Well, I went from using a rollator walker to a wheelchair. I lost all feelings in my feet and lower legs from neuropathy, from chemo-induced neuropathy. I started developing um severe shortness of breath because I was developing um retaining fluid on my heart, um, congestive heart failure. And somewhere around between the 11th and the 15th treatment, that's when they think it really started. But I started developing hearing loss. I could not hear, more so out of my left ear than my right. My vision was blurry. I I just had no strength. Then I started developing where I was falling. Uh, so I couldn't get up. Um, I couldn't stand on my legs, they were so weak. And my hands, my fingers, uh, I developed trigger finger, and all my fingers were drawing in, and I couldn't straighten them out. And I just have to pull them out, manually pull them back out. But my thumb, I could never get it to come back out, so they had to end up doing surgery to to cut it to make it come back out. And I I could go on and on. I mean, like, even to this day, I still have so many lingering side effects from the chemo. And I want to add, even they're taking the COVID vaccine. I got COVID. I had COVID, Christmas of 21, and Christmas of 22. Christmas of 21, I had COVID so severe. And I know that I got it in the infusion center because there were patients there coughing, and but I had it so severe, I could not literally even open my eyes. I didn't even know it was Christmas. Um, it was like uh three or four or five days after Christmas is sort of when I started coming back to with it, but I was so sick. Having no immunity, you pick up everything on top of all that I had going on, then I had COVID.
SPEAKER_01:So oh my goodness. When did you decide that you were just done with everything?
SPEAKER_00:So in um the beginning of 23, I knew something wasn't right, but I didn't know what. I was I was still going through the treatments, but I had started having severe leg pain, like so severe I could not sleep, worst pain ever. And I was just constantly eating Tylenol and iviprofen. Um, I was already on the gabapentin for the neuropathy. They had tried me on another medicine, but it caused me to have memory loss, short-time memory loss, so I had to stop it. But I knew something was not right. I had sort of made up in my mind, like, I think I'm just gonna stop the treatments. We rocked on, and the oncologist was like, Well, it's about time for your repeat PET scan, and let's get that done, and then we'll go from there. I went and had the PET scan done, and she called me and said I needed to come to the office. And I was like, Well, normally we just, you know, you call me over the phone with results since I lived so far. And she was like, Well, I really need you to come to the office. Well, I knew as a nurse that's not a good sign. That day I prayed. One of my friends took me because I could not drive. Uh, somebody had to get me in the car, get me out of the car, put me in a wheelchair. So one of my friends drove me that day to the oncology office. And I remember when we pulled up, I just sat there in the car and I closed my eyes and I just started praying. And I said, God, whatever happens, you're either gonna heal me on this side or you're they're gonna heal me on the other side. So either way, I'm gonna win. Right, yeah. That's right. Yeah, I said, either way, I'm gonna win. So take me in this office with a different mindset. I went in there, went in the room, and uh she came in and so she her normal thing, you know, she assessed me, how's things going, blah, blah, blah. And so she said, Well, got your pet skin results, and you have it has metastasized to your thigh bone. It appears to be a tumor in your thigh bone on the same side where they had removed the lymph nodes. And so she was like, you know, we can try a different type of regimen, we can do this, we can, you know, just different options. And I was I'm done. And so she says, What do you mean? And I said, I'm done. If you've done everything you can and you're grasping at straws, then it is time. It's it's me and Jesus. You and Jesus. I told her it's me and Jesus. And she looked at me and she said, I think you're making a mistake. I said, No, I'm not making a mistake. I said, I have allowed man to do what man can do. Now I'm gonna allow Jesus to do what he can do. And I said, when I pulled up here today, I told him, let me go in here with a different mindset, because either way, I'm going to win. He's either gonna heal me here or he's gonna heal me when he takes me home. So either way, I'm going to be the winner. She was like, Well, I really think you're making a bad mistake. I I just, you know, and she just kept on and on. And she was like, Well, how about you go home and think about it? And I said, Okay, I'll go home and think about it. So I get up, they roll me out to the front, my friend's sitting in the waiting room. She rolls me out to the car, checkout, and sweet little guy at the checkout. Every time he'd say, You got this, we're gonna beat this. We're gonna, you know, he always was trying to be positive. Anyway, I went on past him and got in the car, and I I just remember if my friend was on here, she probably would speak too. I remember that ride home. I remember that ride home that day and thinking this is not how I imagine my life to be. This is the way God planned it. Yeah, and so I just started telling her, you know, I'm gonna do so and so. I I've got to do so and so, and I want to do so and so, and and she was like, Okay, well, we'll make it happen, we'll do whatever. And so I was like, I'm going to the beach, I've got to go to the beach. It's like, I mean, the beach is my happy place, it's always been my happy place. And so I said, I have to go to my happy place, and so she said, You want to go today? I was like, No, we're not going today. I'm too exhausted. We can't go today, we got to plan. And so I just left it like that. But I remember that ride home, and I remember looking out the window thinking, I have truly just faced faith straight in the face. When I stepped out, I stepped out on faith. But it was faith. Yeah, but you know I I tell people when they say, Well, how do how does that feel? I don't want this to sound crazy, but I literally felt relieved that day. I felt like I had literally been running a marathon and I had just crossed the finish line. And this past Sunday, our pastor, he did the last series for the month of January, and the title of the series was Finishing the Race. And it really, really took me back to that day when I went out of that oncology office and the way I felt, and thinking, either way, I'm gonna win. But facing faith, when you truly say, I'm stepping out on faith, I'm I'm I'm I'm cutting ties and I'm stepping out on faith. Most people would feel like, oh, I just feel like a ton of bricks. I'm I I I've dreaded this day or whatever. I didn't. I felt relieved. I felt like God was telling me, I've tried to show you and you would not look. You finally opened your eyes and you have finally given it to me. That's how I felt. It was uh I have stepped out on faith on a lot of situations, but that day stepping out on faith was totally different.
SPEAKER_01:Totally different. So, how did your family feel about your decision when you told them you're done with chemotherapy?
SPEAKER_00:At first they were upset. They said that I was being selfish. Them and my friends. My friends, they were like, You've always been a fighter. Why are you giving up now? That's just selfish. If you don't care about yourself, you know, like I heard all everything. And so finally, I mean, I just told my family, I'm the one that has battled it. I'm the one that has gone through this, I'm the one that has suffered so bad, been so sick, have had no life, I have disrupted y'all's life, everybody's life. It's time I can talk about it all day long, but it is time for me to put the talk in action. And I am truly stepping out on faith and laying it at Jesus' feet. And they were fine with it. After we had that conversation and I laid it out like that, they were fine with it. They were like, Well, you have to make the decision. And it was rough.
SPEAKER_01:I bet I mean, yeah, they just they didn't want to lose you.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, that's where that was coming from. It it was, and and and knowing that my children had lost their father when my son was dead and my daughter was five, and knowing that here here here they go again, you know, they're gonna be they're gonna have to bury their mama. I that played over and over in my mind so many times, but I cannot describe the feeling that even though all that and my friends saying I was giving up and you know, blah, blah, blah, I still had the greatest peace. I mean, it was like if I wouldn't have been in so much pain, I probably could have slept like a newborn baby. I mean, I'm just telling you, I was at such peace. And all and and now looking back all that time, I mean, like every day I was literally working myself up thinking, you know, what's gonna happen next? Is this treatment working? It was always the what ifs, or what if it ain't working, or what if it is working, and then what's gonna be the next step? Am I gonna have a normal life? But after that day, it was like no more questions. It was like a piece.
SPEAKER_01:So that was in March of 2022? 2023. Okay. So when you stopped all treatment, of course the cancer didn't stop, your tumors continued to grow. Is that correct? Okay, and then um in May, you decided that you were ready for hospice.
SPEAKER_00:Well, again, that wasn't my decision.
SPEAKER_01:It wasn't your decision.
SPEAKER_00:My family was at wits in. I mean, like it the pain, my family and friends was like, something's gotta give. I mean, like the pain was so bad. I I can remember them trying to get me up to get me to the bathroom, and I'd say just sit me in the floor, and I literally would lay on the hardwood floor, and I literally would scream and holler. The pain was so severe, and I didn't want to take any pain medicine because I knew all the side effects of it. And I was if I'm gonna step out on faith, I'm stepping out on faith, and no, I'm not gonna do that. But then it got to be so bad at night, I would have to take a pain med a pain pill. The day I would take Tylenol and ibuprofen, and it was so miserable. Like I was miserable to the point where I couldn't eat, I couldn't, uh I mean, I was just I wouldn't drink, I wouldn't do anything. So my family finally said, enough's enough, and so they said, either you're gonna make the decision or we're gonna make the decision. And we all made the decision. Hospice came and talked, and I said, Give me, you know, till tomorrow, and I'll make a decision tomorrow. I did. I made the decision the next day, and they admitted me to hospice, and they came with a hospital bed, but I didn't want to go to the hospital bed. I wanted to stay in my bed until it got to the point where I couldn't even lift my head or anything. I was aspirating. My oxygen sats were in the toilet, so they were having to put me on oxygen, and so then they moved me to the hospital bed, and it was in the back of my house, in a room in the back of my house, and it was dark. There was a lamp there at the bedside, and you know, every day from that day when I went to that hospital bed, every day I I mean I would be awake most nights, but in the mornings I would be looking over the window, the curtain and the the blinds, looking for that sunrise, looking for daylight. And I would say, God, just let me see one more sunrise, let me see one more daylight. I I begged every day, and I did. And and you know, and then I started really, I mean, when you're at that point, you you have all you have, it is just you and Jesus. It it truly is because your family still has their life to live, they're still going to work, they're still your friends, they have their jobs, they have their life, they have their family. So it's just you and Jesus day and night. And I'm just telling you, the conversations I had, like I I I would tell, I I can remember saying, God, if you'll just get me up out of this bed and give me my help back, I promise you my priorities will be different. I I can remember saying that so many days, and I would say, you know, you will be my number one priority, my family will be second, but most of all, I will share what you have done for me. And I I've just kept saying that over every day. Eventually it got to the point where I mean I didn't know daylight from dark, really. I mean, I I didn't even know what day it was. I didn't even know you didn't even know people were coming or leaving, or they said I was saying stuff and talking, and and I my friends say now they tell me stories about me talking to my granddaddy. They never knew anything about it. Even my husband didn't even know anything about it, and they were saying that I was talking to my granddaddy about this porcelain cat that he gave me when I was a kid, like seeing it over again and like telling him, you know, that that cat was so pretty, that green and white cat, oh you know, just they didn't even know anything about it. So they knew that I was talking to him, you know, and and I know as a nurse when when when patients start talking to family members and loved ones that's gone on, they say that they're getting close.
SPEAKER_01:The end is near, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, that's right.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Now while you were in you were talking about painkillers and stuff. So while you were in hospice, did you allow them to give you the high dosages of the painkillers and those, you know, those anti-anxiety drugs like Adavan. Did you allow any of that? I did.
SPEAKER_00:I I did. They had the regimen set up, and my family and my friends would give me my medicine, how they had it set up. They were giving me pain medicine, but they were also giving me methadone because they said something about the receptors and it makes the pain medicine work longer or something. I don't know. But the doses they were giving me was just astronomical. I mean, like something you would give a five or six hundred-pound person. And I before I really went like out of it, I I can still remember that pain. I was still having that pain, even taking the medicine, because I even made the comment to my husband, like, I'm not taking any more of that medicine, it's not working, I'm still in pain, you know. And him getting me up at night and setting me on a shower chair, letting hot water run on my legs, thinking that that was going to help the pain. I mean, so the pain medicine never really took me out of pain. Make me go to sleep. I mean, you know, and as the days rocked on because I wasn't eating, I mean, like it was to the point that my family would have to go over to the apartment to heat up food to eat, or either go out and eat, get something out and eat outside or whatever. I could not take the smell of anything being heated up in the microwave or anything. It it just, I mean, it was like my whole body was shutting down and I was just so sick. And and I I just I can still think about having that conversation. Like I, I mean, you know, they had a reclining chair like really close to my hospital bed, and people would come and they would sit in that, or either, you know, my family would sit there. That's where my husband slept at night. Um, but um, I can remember waking up and and looking over there and saying it it's it's time. I mean, I can still remember my husband saying, time for what? And I kept saying, It's time, it's time, it's time. I literally at that point I was begging. I I literally was begging God, God, please turn this around. Take me home or heal me. I can't take it anymore. You know, I I just I was miserable. I literally was and in hospice, like I said, I had a wonderful hospice nurse. Oh my goodness. My husband, you know, he would call her or call the on-call and she would call or she would come. And and before I got to the point where I really didn't even know what was going on, I mean, I was a basket case because like I was like, God, have I done the right thing? You know, I kept replaying it in my mind, going on hospice, or should I have just let you just work it out? You know, I kept replaying that. If I walked out on faith, then why did I get hospice? You know, and I just kept and I would have that conversation with her, and she would be like, Well, sometimes God puts people in places to help you, and he's put us here to help you, and that's what she just kept saying. And I would say, you know, I know that I'm I'm crazy, and I know when you come, I'm crazy, you know, and she'd be like, No, you're not, you know, and she just had she sometime, and I know she had her patient load, but she would just pull up a chair and just sit there. I mean, literally just sit there, and sometimes it would be in silence, and that's why I say people working in oncology and hospice, they have to have a heart, they have to have a different mindset because I mean you get close to somebody and then they're gone over and over and over. But I mean, she was a blessing to us. Yeah, so I am thankful for hospice. Looking back on it now, at that time I was questioning God. I said I walked out on faith and I turned my back on the oncologist, but yet here I have hospice. Did I do the right thing? But looking back on it now, God used hospice as a vessel. They were a vessel to help me weather the storm that he was carrying me through.
SPEAKER_01:So, how did your family relationships change, like particularly with your brother?
SPEAKER_00:My mama always would say, saying, no matter how bad things get, something good always comes from bad. That's what she would say to me all the time. And I would be like, okay, whatever. I literally got to see that. Growing up, we had some family dynamics. You know, my dad was an alcoholic, and we didn't always have the best life. After 40-something years of marriage, and my parents divorced, my dad could never wrap his head around it, and things happen. Well, that sort of put a wedge between me and my brother, and I only have one sibling, and that's my brother. And it put a wedge, and and I had some animosity because I was like, you walked away and lived your life. Before I actually got diagnosed with my cancer, I was praying, you know, after my mom passed away in 2020, actually today, five years ago, I started praying, God, mend that relationship with my brother. Please put us back together. And I kept praying it and praying it and praying it. My family, when we'd sit down, you know, and have prayer, I'd always pray it. And um, then when I got sick, I I had a reclining chair by my living room window, and my blinds would be open during the day because my immune system was so low, I would either have to see people through video or either they would come to the window or whatever because they couldn't come and visit for for a while. But I would watch my brother turn come to the stop sign and turn out by my house, and I'd pray. And little did I know that God was working, He was working, He was working on that situation while he was working on me. Now, brother, as I was battling my cancer summer of uh 23, when I went on hospice, my brother got diagnosed with stage four colon cancer. Had 11-hour surgery, uh, and had metastasized to his liver. And when they called me, a friend of mine called me and told me I started praying. I prayed so hard. I said, God, if you gotta take us, take me, don't take him. Please take me, don't take him. I said that over and over and over and over and over. And the day he got out of the hospital from his colon surgery, he had his wife to bring him by. I I don't remember it, but my family tells me and they tell me now. But um they he had her sh he had her to bring him by to see me. And they said he stood over my bed and he said, You've always been a fighter. Now get up out that bed, because your family needs you. We need you, and you just need to get on up out that bed. You quit laying in that bed and get out that bed. And he said, they said he I he just kept saying it over and over, and he left. And then he'd come back a couple of more times, they said, to visit and talk to me. And and they would leave him in the room with me and he would talk to me. Now I don't know what he said, that he he they said he would talk to me. When I came through my cancer, I prayed. I said, God, why are you giving me that Christmas or that Thanksgiving? Let me just share it with my brother. Well, this past Christmas we celebrated Christmas together for the first time since 2015. Nine years back in January. I know I gotta share this, just so people can see how there is power in prayer. Back in January of um 2024, our church had a January sisterhood, and the pastor's wife gave us a piece of paper, and she said, I want you to write down the five things that you've you've been praying about that you're gonna be carrying into 2024 praying. And on that list, I made a list, and on there I wrote to mend my relationship with my brother, my sister-in-law, and my nephew. Please just let us be together. So this Christmas, when we had um Christmas, I pulled that out and I shared that with them. Probably a few minutes after I shared, my sister-in-law said, uh, I need to share something. We said, Okay. And she said, You or Jeff, neither one know anything about it. And she said, I was praying. She said, when you went on hospice, she said I started praying. Lord, please do not take her without mending their relationship because it would devastate Jeff. She said, and I was praying constantly. She said, and one morning I was going to work and I made it to the end of our road. And I stopped. And I was praying. It was just like God was in the car with me. He said, Why are you fretting and worrying? Don't you know that I have got control of this? I have brought you through the birth of a two-pound baby. I have brought you through your sister's brain tumor, I have brought you through taking care and seeing about your parents, and I'm gonna bring you through this. I am gonna answer your prayers. I think maybe it was about two or three weeks later, is when my brother was diagnosed with colon cancer. I don't know, but I feel like if God had not put me through what he put me through and let me experience that storm, and my brother, he used those storms to put us back together. And and I always believe that. Yeah. So how's his cancer? He is actually in remission too. He he is he is done with his treatments and he's still going back and forth to Emery with his liver, but it's just a small little spot, but he he's in remission too. To be able to celebrate holidays, be able to talk on the phone and talk about where we were and where we're at today. I mean, I give it's nothing to do with me nor him, but it was the power of prayer because we were all praying the same prayer, and nobody even knew we were saying the prayer, same prayer, praying for the same things. Number one, but number two, I mean, God, I I tell everybody, it's nothing to do with me. Yeah, I stepped out on faith. I did, but God gets the glory. No matter what, he gets the glory because he did the work. I just weathered the storm, he did the work.
SPEAKER_01:Now, he keep talking about prayer. So your prayer life is you definitely spend a lot of time in prayer. During this time of prayer, you had a very strong impression uh to be rebaptized. Can you just go through that and like the length, the great lengths that you took in order to be baptized or re-baptized?
SPEAKER_00:In June, I knew that's when I I told my husband, I said, you know, it's time, and I knew, you know, it was getting worse. And I told him, I said, you know, I've I I've been baptized, but I've not always lived the best life. I've never I have I I'm a sinner, and I need to be saved. And he said, Well, I don't know how we're gonna do that. And I said, Well, you call Pastor Tom, he'll make it happen. He called our pastor, and I mean at this point I'm on hospice, I'm on oxygen, I'm in a wheelchair. I I mean Your bones are brittle. Yes, and they and they're saying, Don't you don't need to fall, you you don't sit down hard, you don't blah blah blah. And so his I said, call him, he'll make it happen. Well, he made it happen. It was in a cattle trough in front of the cross at our church. They literally picked me up out of the wheelchair, took the oxygen mask off my face. One of our associate pastor and some of my family was in that trough. They lowered me down in the water, the pastor baptized me, they picked me right back up, put me back in the wheelchair, put the oxygen back on me, and rolled me to the car. Because it was summer, it was hot, and I already couldn't breathe, and it was just I was so weak, and I was in so much pain. That morning, the pain was so bad, I cried all the way to church. I cried. Pain was so bad. But I I I got baptized and so came home, you know, I was out of it most of the day sleeping, and I can remember the next morning waking up in a panic. I was like, something's wrong. And my husband was like, What do you mean? And I said, Something's wrong. I have no pain. And he was like, What? I said, is that's not good. I said, I know as a nurse, you get better before you pass. Right, it's a big rally. Yeah, I said, This must be my better. I said, You need to call everybody, they need to come. This is my better. And he was like, What are you talking about? Like he thought the medicine, and I was talking out of my head because they said I would talk out of my head sometimes. And I said, No, I have no pain. None. I I'm taking off the oxygen. I mean, like I took off the oxygen, I can breathe. I said, I want to see if I can walk. Help me get up. Well, my muscles are so weak. They were atrophied. Hospital bed. Yeah. So I could not stand. Like I could stand, but they had to hold me under my arms. But I just can't remember like it was no pain. And he called the hospice nurse. They were I we'll be right on over there. I mean, I really think they thought the same thing too. And so I was like, Yo, it's a miracle, it's a miracle, you know. Like, I can just and um give me a minute. You're fine. You're fine, Sandy. You're fine. I remember saying I know everybody's at work, but when they get off work, they need to come. They gotta come. I gotta I gotta talk to them. Well, by that evening, I mean, like I was asleep, so I don't think anybody came that evening. Well, that night I slept fine the next day. I had no pain. By the third day, I said, I want to get back in my bed. I want to get back in my house bed. One of my friends had bought me a wedge pillow, so they put the wedge pillow in the bed and put me back in the regular house bed. Hospice kept coming every day, and by the end of the week, I I'm better. I called the oncologist and I was like, look, I am like, need to have a scan. I I am better and something's going on, I don't know what it is. And so she was like, Well, it's not, it's not time for you to have a scan, it's you gotta wait so and so, so and so. So I had to end up waiting, I think it was about three weeks or four before I could have the scan. But in that meantime, my pastor on the radio and at church who tells the story about she fired hospice. I don't like that word. So I'll say, please don't say that, because I didn't. And I'm telling you, they they were the best. I did call them up and tell them I didn't need them anymore. And so they were like, Are you sure? And I'm like, I'm positive, and they're like, Well, wait another day or two, and then we'll come by with the paperwork. Well, nobody ever came, and nobody ever came. And so I called them up and I was like, Look, I want you to come with the paperwork, I won't be taken off hospice, and so they came and so I said, Well, when are y'all gonna get the bed, the oxygen, the wheelchair, blah, blah, blah. They said, Why don't you keep it about another month or two and then we'll come back and get it? Because they had the impression like that either I was going to pass, this was the better, and I was gonna pass, and I was gonna need the hospital bed, or something was gonna happen. So they wanted me to keep it all. Well, every time I would go into that room and I saw that hospital bed, it was like like PTSD, traumatic. Like it just so I was wanted nothing to do with it. No, and I told my husband, I said it's gotta go. Um, I called hospice and they said they would call them to pick it up. When nobody ever came, nobody ever came. So I got the number off the side of the oxygen and called the company and said, Can y'all please come pick this stuff up? And literally, me and my husband helped get the stuff out and load it in the van. I mean, like I couldn't pick up hardly anything, but like I could give them something, or you know, they came and got their stuff. And so then three or four weeks later I went and had my pet scan. Now you demanded a pet scan though, right? I did, I did, because she was I I don't I don't want to say she was upset because it was like, you know, you didn't listen to anything I said, and you know, but she wasn't I mean, because we had such a great relationship, but I did go have the pet scan and she set me up an appointment to come back for the results. So I went back for the results. She literally that day, she told me I was, you know, there was no signs of cancer, nothing. She said that the day you walked out of here and you you said that whole it's me and Jesus and I'm walking out on faith. She said, I said, she is nuts. She is nuts. What is she doing? And you know, I I I just did not have a relationship with God like that. I I just, you know, and I'm thinking, she's gone off the rocker, you know, just and she said, but seeing this, watching you that day, seeing all that, and now this, she said, it has truly showed me. She said 30 something, I think 36 years, I think is what she said. She had been an oncologist. She was like, This has showed me. This has showed me that what faith truly is. And she said, I thank you. She said, I truly thank you. She said, because I didn't I didn't have that type of relationship with God.
SPEAKER_01:So she believed in God, she just it just wasn't a strong relationship.
SPEAKER_00:That's right. That's right. And all I could say that day to her was, I'm still winning the race. I I I laugh about it now, but at that time I wasn't, I was crying. I was crying so hard, and I couldn't hardly get the words out. And she said, What are you what? And I said, I'm winning the race. And she said, What are you talking about? And I said, the race. I said, when I left here that day and I explained to her that whole thing of what I I told God in the car. And I said, Guess what? I I'm winning the race. I said, I'm still in the race and I'm still winning. And and now even when I go back for my follow-ups, it's just, you know, she said, you just amaze me. And I said, it's not me, it's God. You know, every time I say it's not me, it's God. People in the medical field, nurse practitioners and doctors and PAs, they say, you know, normally your story does not end the way it ended. No. And I'm like, yeah, I I I know that. And you know, I I I struggled because there was a person in our church that was battling cancer. She passed away. So many times I have said, God, why did you leave me and take her? I know her family looks at me and probably says that. I I don't know, you know, people say, well, he wasn't finished, he's not finished with you, or he had something else for you to do, or or whatever. I don't know how they say it to me. But I just try to, every day, I I try to, I think back to 21. You know, people always say, Don't look in the rear view mirror, look in the windshield, don't look in the back glass. But sometimes if you do not look in that rear view mirror or you don't look in that back glass, you sort of forget. And and I know I I don't want to say take for granted, because by no means do I ever, but sometimes I have to look in that rear view mirror to get that glimpse of just how bad that valley was. So now when I'm going through valleys, I think most people it probably would take them out. But me, it's like it could be worse. I I've been through worse. You've been through worse.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:You've been through about as bad as it gets. Exactly. And I always tell people, you know, it you can always look around and someone has it worse than you do. And I'm sure there is people that have gone through cancer battles that was a whole lot worse than mine, you know, and and and people have asked me why do you think God healed you? I I don't know. I don't have that answer, but one day I will because he'll tell me. But what I can tell you, he used that to refocus my vision. Because like I said in the beginning, I would say, I got laundry to do, I'm tired, I don't want to go to church this Sunday. I took going to church in a relationship with God for granted. I truly did. But going through that cancer battle, I learned when there is nobody else, when there is nothing else, you still got God. He never leaves you and He never forsakes you. I I wish people could see a glimpse or experience a glimpse and they would make God and church a priority. Because if I had not gone through that journey, I probably would have never made it a priority till it was too late. But God gave me the opportunity, and I took that opportunity and I let him change me from the inside out. He took away things that I no longer needed, things that I thought I needed, I didn't no longer need, and he showed me what was truly important. And I what I say every day, family. Never take your family for granted.
SPEAKER_01:So, what's your response to naysayers who might say something like, Oh, your cancer just went into remission? I hear that all the time. I was gonna ask, have you ever encountered that?
SPEAKER_00:I I do, I hear it all the time. Ooh, that the cancer you have, it's not curable. So it's just going into remission and it's gonna come back, and then what you're gonna say? Well, my response to them is every day I claim I'm healed, and I claim that I'm gonna stay healed. But if the day comes and that it comes back, and that's how the good Lord has it planned, and I'm gonna tell you what I tell them. I'll ride the waves, I'll go with the motion, I'll I'll go through the storm, I'll be right there. I mean, until he takes me home. But I I I like I said in the beginning, I I will not take another chemo treatment. I I just will ride it out. And will I go on hospice? I can't say yay or no, but but people do say that all the time. You know your that cancer is not curable, it just goes in remission, and well, you know what? Every time you get in your car, you ru you're taking a risk of having an accident too.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah. But even if like it just the timing of it though, you know, like people say, Oh, it went to remission. I think of you got baptized at the day the morning after you felt the healing.
SPEAKER_00:I mean, you know, that's God. And there's no other way, you know. People was like, Well, can you just tell me like how did you know that that was God? You know, I've had people ask me that question, and then my response is, well, who else was it? I mean, you talking about from August of 21 till July of 23, I had weathered the storm, this horrific storm, to all of a sudden I was baptized and when I wake up, I'm healed. I mean, there's only one person that could have done it. I mean and I and you know, and when I was saying earlier, like I asked God so many times, why did you heal me, but you took, you know, the person in my church. I really, truly think it's because I I I went out on faith. I truly gave it to him. I I took it out of man's hands and I put it in his hands. I I really, truly think that is why he healed me. I think he he tried for so long for me to get it to give it to him and I wouldn't. But when I did, he used that time because before I got diagnosed with cancer, I was praying. When I would pray, I'd say, God, please help me with my patience. And I know the old old people say, do not pray.
SPEAKER_01:Do not, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:I know I did. Oh, you get all kinds of trials. I did. I I prayed for patients and I prayed for him to take the toast of coca away from me.
SPEAKER_01:And he did for a short. And he did, yeah, he did.
SPEAKER_00:But yes, I do have people say that all the time. That I've had them ask me, what are you gonna do when it comes back? It's not. I'm claiming it's not coming back. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And if it does, you know where you're going. So exactly.
SPEAKER_00:I'm still winning the race.
SPEAKER_01:I mean Yeah, you're still winning. So I feel like a theme throughout this whole interview has been time. And you were telling me that you received a vision. Can you can you explain the clock?
SPEAKER_00:I can. In March of 24, I got asked to speak at a um a ladies' meeting. They asked me what was going to be the title of my speech, and I said, you know, let me pray on it. So I have like a 31-mile, 32-mile drive to work every day. So in the mornings, my prayer time is on the way to work. I pray, I talk to God, I sing, I worship. On the way to work, I was praying, God, give me what you want me to share, please. So after a couple of days, he showed me when I'd be praying and I'd see this storm. The the rain literally were was blowing sideways, not straight up and down. It was like sideways, and it was dark, really dark. And so I was like, okay, well, God wants me to talk about storms and maybe, you know, talk about the storms in my life and how storms. And so I was like, okay, well, that's what I'm gonna speak on. So I had started, you know, working on my speech, and the Thursday before the Sunday, I was supposed to give my speech, was going to work, and that morning when I started praying, I could see this this a clock as big as my house. It was huge, it was the biggest clock I'd ever seen. Like big things. Yes, it it was huge. I mean, it was probably as big as several cars put together. But it had no numbers. It it was just a white clock, white face, white clock, black arrows on it. The hands, hands, yes, with no numbers. So it's like, okay, God, what what is this? You know, so that was on like a Wednesday or Thursday and Friday. I saw the same thing. Saturday. So I was like, okay, well, am I supposed to change my message? Because I mean, I'm down to the wire. So that Saturday morning when I got up, I started praying. God, if if this is the message you want you want me to share, give it to me. Well, that Sunday I gave my message, and the title of my message was While in the Waiting. And I talked about how we're all in the waiting for something. We're waiting for a healing miracle, we're we're waiting for the birth of a child or a grandchild, we're waiting for uh to get married, we're waiting for your child to graduate high school or college or whatever. We're all waiting on something. But while we're in that waiting, what are we doing with our time while we're in the waiting? And so I talked about that. While we're in the waiting, we should still be praising and praying and worshiping God. You know, while we're in the waiting, what does God expect from us? I mean, and my speech was was all about while in the waiting. And I talked about the clock, you know, how he had given me that vision. And I didn't even, I did not realize when I was given that speech the impact. It had so many people come up to me days later saying how much it meant to them and how they sat around and thought about some of the things I said because I talked about how, you know, when you're in the waiting, how you when you're praying, your prayers are different. Because a lot of times we home in on that one thing, that healing miracle, that that birth of that child or whatever. But at that time, we should be praying in general for everything, not just for whatever we're we're needing at that time. So I didn't realize it in March when I gave that uh message at the women's thing that God had me give that message to prepare me for what I would be waiting on, because I'm in the waiting now for another miracle. I'm waiting for my for God to bring my child home. So in that I'm in that waiting right now, you know, and people approach me all the time. I don't know how you do it. You know, you're how do you go and not see your child, you know, or not hold your child, or not hear your child, or whatever. How do you make it? And it it is simple. You know, I tell them, I make it by the grace of God because I have laid it at his feet, just like I did with my cancer battle, and he healed me, and I know he's working on this situation. Everybody's always waiting on something. You know, I hear people say all the time, I'll be glad when Friday gets here. Everybody's waiting on something. But it's just what do we do with that time while we're waiting? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that's a good point. I know, so my mind, I've been trying to think, just I can't get that off my mind, what you were telling me about the clock, no face to it. And something that came to my mind too was the verse that talks about how we don't know the day or the hour. And uh and that's what you faced through your cancer journey. You didn't know from one, like you said, from one hour to the next.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I mean, it got to the point where, you know, I thought about the minute, especially right there in the beginning. Like, you know, you uh when something like that hit, when you when you get that kind of news, it's like you want to do everything that you have wanted to do your whole life, but you only have an hour, or you only have one day, or you know, you start thinking, and and then that's how I was. I was thinking about, okay, I want to do this, I want to do this, I want to do this, do I have enough time? Do I, you know, so yeah, I I do think I think that God showed me that clock, one, I think, to make me think back to that day when I was saying, I want to do this, I want to do this, but I think also so that I will share with somebody and they will understand how precious time is. Family. I mean, he showed me over and over how precious family is.
SPEAKER_01:So before we finish, there's um one thing I would I want you to I want to get your opinion on. What message do you want to leave people who are battling cancer or any kind of debilitating illness?
SPEAKER_00:Keep the faith. Even when you don't even see the light at the end of the tunnel, keep the faith. Cry out to God. But most of all, just remember, I mean, no matter what, if you have a relationship with God, truly have a relationship, you give your life to the Lord and you have a relationship with Him, no matter if you you're healed here or either healed there, either way, you you will gain. You will have everything to gain. And I I just if if people don't have a relationship with God, they can call me. I'll I I promise you. And and you know, and and and and I know people that are battling cancer, it's like their mind is so focused on that battle right then and there. They they're not thinking about the overall picture. But I mean, because I've I've been there, but at the end of the day, that clock is the hands on that clock is going to ring. Every day's ticking. And you may think you have, you know, I I've got I uh in a week, I'm on I'm gonna dedicate my life to the Lord in a week. I'm gonna, you know, putting a time limit on it. And we shouldn't. So if they don't have a relationship with God, like I said, they can call me. If not, I reach out to somebody, a pastor or a family member or somebody. That's one of the the most important things.
SPEAKER_01:I appreciate you sharing your story and opening up to us. I know it's such an emotional topic, and yeah. And I deeply appreciate it, and I know there's so many out there that just appreciate your story too, and the impact that you've got on others. And it's so refreshing to see that you're using this time that God gave you to spread his love to others that you know don't really know his love. Or so I mean, like even those who know his love, but they still need that encouragement. That's right.
SPEAKER_00:That's right. And that's what I wish. I mean, I I I I am back at work and I do work every day. And I do use my ministry during work and I share with patients, and I have patients sometimes that come in and they'll say, tell me that story one more time. Now you got that. I mean, they just want to, and they set up all these goosebumps, you know. But I I wish I had time to go to the treatment center where I was at and actually just sit down and share with people. That to me, if I make it to retirement, that's what I'm gonna do. That's how I'm gonna spend my days. Yeah. That I do. I I share, you know, because I made that promise to God, if he brought me through, that every day I would share what he had done for me. And I do. When somebody asks me to speak or go somewhere, I I go. You know, you make good on that promise. That's right. That's right. Because you never know. I mean, they uh that person may not be battling cancer, but they may be battling addiction or they may be battling whatever, you know, and sometimes it's sin. You know, I I say all the time, people may look like they have it all together because I'm sure people thought that about me, but they're really struggling on the inside, and sometimes hearing somebody else's story makes the difference.
SPEAKER_01:It does.
SPEAKER_00:Well, thank you for asking me to speak. I mean, uh, I think that this podcast is amazing. I mean, I thank you. I do. I think that it is going. I mean, God is using you and this podcast as a vessel to help people. Um, you know, because we are in 2025 in technology. A lot of times people won't pick up a Bible, but they'll pick up their phone.
SPEAKER_01:Right. Yeah, that's right. You are correct. Well, Sandy, thank you very much, and I look forward to us talking again. Yes, ma'am.
